I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
