I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
