My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
