how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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