Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
