Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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