you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
