I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night