M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.