I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.