Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?