I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be