we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You pole danced in your parka.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
