How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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