idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
