I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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