had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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