My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
