we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
