I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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