We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I could fuck to npr.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
