I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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