are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
