You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
