It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
