life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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