Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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