I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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