I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
