Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
