if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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