I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
