So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
