I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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