I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
