I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
