omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
