I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
