The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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