Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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