I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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