I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
