I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
