tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
