just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
