the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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