So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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