If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
