i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
