you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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