omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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