yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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