he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
