and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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