I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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