I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
