just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
