don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
