His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
