He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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