I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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