It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
