like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
