did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
