just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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