Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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