Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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