I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize