just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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